television titles / paragiraffe is a blog by maura

Television titles are funny. Thirty-second clips that are supposed to give you a quick overview of the show as well as identify the pertinent people involved. To create the television titles for your own show, simply include the following things:

Really cheesy theme song. Bonus points for using the one hit of a one-hit wonder.
Clips from the show that overtly illustrate main themes, whether it be mystery or violence or people being really, really happy. Bonus points for happy, full-cast shots.
Photos or scenes of each character, individually, actor’s names superimposed. Major bonus points for using clips where the actor is talking but the sound has been removed.

Additionally, here are some shows I really like that have awful titles:

Alias. Worst titles ever. A string of random sound effects, black background, haphazard placing of actors’ names around the screen, and the rotating ALIAS. Seriously, some freshman graphic design student spent five minutes on that.
The X-Files. Almost as bad as Alias. Oh hell. It’s completely random imagery like a person falling into a blue and red hand and sayings like “paranormal activity” and “government denies knowledge.” I was watching the pilot a few weeks ago, and it is a wonder this show was picked up, because the pilot is horrible. Of course, there were no titles on the pilot so I digress.
Sex and the City. Why is only Carrie in the titles? Why is she wearing a tutu? Why must she get wet from a bus driving through a puddle? Every time! Why doesn’t she move?

Other good shows with bad titles?

Terrence / 15 oct 2004 / 9:53 p.m.

I think the Alias theme is kinda catchy…but the graphics do need help. Same with the Lost title (it’s just the word LOST with creepy music and they don’t even bother with actor’s names). JJ must not like the whole concept of titles.

Drea / 15 oct 2004 / 9:53 p.m.

Hey, I like Alias’ opening credits. I like how my bestfriend and I try to sing along with it and how it makes her do the jiggle.

Lizzie / 15 oct 2004 / 11:55 p.m.

Well, in their defense, a lot of TV themes are a band’s semi-current first hit, so they don’t prove to be one-hit wonders until after the theme is chosen. But yeah, the best themes are when they choose the one-hits from three years ago.

Brandon / 16 oct 2004 / 12:27 a.m.

When we were at the office today you said today’s post was going to be better than yesterday’s.

What happened?

Rachel / 16 oct 2004 / 5:47 a.m.

well, a good show with good (albeit rather long) opening titles is six feet under. and arrested development. but my favorite opening sequence is that of dead like me. it’s a bunch of grim reapers doing everyday things like laundry and it’s got the catchiest theme song ever.

Freddi / 16 oct 2004 / 11:02 a.m.

I agree with all but “Sex And The City”. I think it would be horrible if they had shots of the individual characters doing the talking-but-no-sound-thing. It just doesn’t FIT the show. The titles are original and so is everything about the show.

filmmaker / 17 oct 2004 / 11 a.m.

The Alias theme itself is catchy, but the title sequence is ass. I’ve never liked it, and I figured it would change as the show grew in popularity and it got a larger budget. Alas, no dice.

As for other bad title sequences, Boston Legal has a terrible title sequence using filters to morph the main characters in to modern painting/line art characters. It looks really, really bad and doesn’t fit with the theme of the show.