13 sep 04
Like everyone (and their mothers), I have a Friendster profile. I have never really done anything with it, but from time to time I get a random message from another user, like this gem:
September 11, 2004 4:35 PM
Hello Maura
That is an interesting name; not pretty, but interesting ;)
A redhead uh, well I normally don’t converse w/ such violent & firey people. But, I took pity on ya, since you had to take your own pics. Speaking of which do ya have any good pics of yourself, maybe a pro beauty shot :)
I can forgive ya for likeing coldplay, but ben folds 5, not even God could forgive that.
Have a nice day.
Yours &c.
Hmm, yeah. I particularly enjoyed the spelling of liking. I am not sure what the correct response to this message is, but I am fairly confident it begins with an F and ends with a you.
Jason / 13 sep 2004 / 11:42 p.m.
Dear Jonny,
Your veiled attempt at charming me has failed. Just thought you should know.
Maura
PS. I have sex with strangers!
Denise / 14 sep 2004 / 12:39 a.m.
I find it so amusing that he had to point out that your name was “not pretty, but interesting.” Seriously, who writes shit like that?
And what exactly does being a redhead have to do with being “violent and fiery”?
Also, his use of “ya” irks me to no end.
Elisha / 14 sep 2004 / 12:57 a.m.
You win the prize for this one. I never provoke emails like that. It must be your “not pretty, but interesting” name that attracts freaks. Maybe being “violent and firey” sends off an alarm in weird-o-ville, america. I’m sure you’re gonna run out and hire a photographer so you can show your pitiful self to this loser. I would, too.
By the way, God encourages you to listen to Ben Folds 5. (I can say that. I have the domain.)
Richatd / 14 sep 2004 / 1:29 a.m.
At then end of “That is an interesting name; not pretty, but interesting ;)”, he has a wittle wink. It seems he is just trying to flirt with you. Red hair being all fiery [meow]
Matthew / 13 sep 2004 / 11:11 p.m.
You could try this template:
Jonny, (you’re the only jonny I know without an H in your name, maybe that’s why you add letters to other words)
Normally I don’t converse with idiots, but since you hate ben folds 5, I thought I’d take a minute out of my busy day as an ass kicking model to tell you how I feel.
First of all, I think you’re an idiot. That’s pretty much it.
Never write me again.